It’s good to write, share a story and get things out, so I asked if Naomi would mind keeping us informed of her journey and share her story. This is the follow up email. I think we all feel like frauds at some time, I guess that’s what keeps us honest.
After I replied to you last week, I took a step back and thought, ‘I am a fraud’, I know that my emotional health is intrinsically linked to my cancer, I know this deep in my being and yet for the past 3-4 months I have ignored all alternative therapies that were forming such a strong part of my wellness journey and in particular I have put dealing with the emotional side of this illness on the back burner, for lots of reasons: time, money, energy etc. But really, at the end of the day they are just excuses and unless I am willing to admit that and move forward then I don’t think I will achieve my goal of being cancer free and treatment free. And yet, here I was telling you how your doco resonated with me, that I knew I too needed to address my emotional wellbeing to not let my cancer eat me. But in reality I haven’t actually been doing that.
I honestly believe that if we listen closely enough our bodies will tell us exactly what we need, today my body did just that. I had a blood draw two weeks ago to track my progress, the test measures a particular protein in my blood which is caused by a gene mutation and as a result causes CML. My results in January were fantastic, I was responding so well to the conventional therapy that I am taking (it was about the time of this last test that I “fell off the wagon” so to speak). My numbers were dropping and my haematologist anticipated that should reach undetectable sometime this year given my response up until that point. Today I received my latest results. I have completely stagnated. Absolutely no change in numbers. So for three months, the drug that I am taking, which is supposed to drive my numbers down has done little more than maintain the status quo. From a medical point of view, there is no major concern yet. We continue doing what we are doing in terms of dose and frequency and see where I am at in another 3 months. For me though, I realise my body is talking to me. My body has been whispering to me for months and I have ignored it. Thinking that conventional medicine (which I don’t believe is the whole answer) will just do it’s thing. These results made me stop and listen more closely. I need to stop ignoring my what my heart is telling me. I need to address my grief, I need to be strong enough to stand up and have my voice heard, I need to trust what I know is right for my body and not let time or finances stand in the way of achieving true wellness.
So onwards and upwards. Time to make time for emotional health, being assertive, making peace with my past, being grateful, time for feeding my soul, as well as my body. Time to forgive my body for not doing or being what I want from it right now and time to be patient with it.
Thanks Naomi for sharing.